April 9th, 2026

Guys.... school is beating my ass :'( I really wish I had time to do literally any of my hobbies but no :( they sent me to the realm where you write research critiques.

I did get to watch the first part of Ninjago Dragons Rising season 4 last week. I have some more indepth thoughts about it that I might write up on this website later. It was overall really good and I'm excited to show my friends those episode once we get there in our watch through. But I probably won't be able to get us together to watch more until may maybe?? idk I do need to let myself take deliberate breaks but I feel like I do that too much sometimes especially because I have such a hard time actually starting tasks that I feel like deliberate breaks are just a waste of time. But I need to be kind to myself, because if I don't I just get burnt out and suffer for it.

I have a lot of ideas for character analysis and fanfictions that I've been gathering but I can't work on them for a while because of school. But I also know as soon as I get a break i'm going to procrastinate writing those, even though I genuinly really want to do it and I know I'll enjoy it :'(

March 12th, 2026

I am in the smack middle of midterms and the middle of data analysis for my practicum research. Yesterday I completed one of my midterm exams and I think it went much better than I was fearing, but man did it tire my brain. After the exam I went to the dollar store and bought a few basics and a new metalic pen for my journalling. I also found childrens sticker activity books and there were two ninjago ones... I did buy them. I felt so silly and a bit embarassed buying those at my big age. I plan on using the graphics and sticker from the books for my journal! I also did the puzzles in the books but they were very easy beacuse its intended for small children lol.

I need to be more unapologetic about my interests, especially those which are more childish, but I also always feel like I have to prove myself, that I AM an adult and mature. I feel like this is partically due to my age, because being in your early twenties is such a weird stage of life, like I am definitly an adult now but I'm new at this and I'm stumbling. I think being ADHD also contributes to some extent too since I feel like I have had to work much harder to achieve the same things my peers are doing, or at least i've had to spend more energy getting my brain to function in a way that works with me, and when I struggle I feel I need to compensate for these struggles too. Im having to prove I'm worthy to be responsible and that Im actually intelligent and not stupid. And similarly I think some of my ADHD and possible autism, but we're not going to talk about that, traits have cultural associations with more immature and childish state. All of this fear contributes to me having a complex where i'm desprit to come off as serious and competent, but I'm not like that all the time! I have "cringe" interests and ones that are a little more childish! And it's okay! Adulthood is not a monolithic experience and you can be a mature, intelligent, responsible adult while liking cartoons and video games that aren't rated M. Having more childish intrests doesnt automatically make you "stunted" or a "manchild" or anything, its how you approach life, how you treat people, or how you engage with maturity.